September 2024
A Time for Priorities
Did it seem like you had all the time in the world during August? September is a slap in the face. I love Fall but September reminds us how little time we have left to do everything that we need to do before the end of the year. There are already warning signs. The days are getting shorter and there are already Christmas decorations in the stores! While days are getting shorter, my list of things to do before the first frost seems to have doubled overnight.
How much time do you have left?
All of these signs compelled me to think about priorities. Before I became a coach, I lived in a safe, rather predictable world. Everything changed when I took the Blue Sky Project in my Mentor Coach program. This class was about dreaming big and challenging yourself to set loftier goals. At that time, I was being coached by Ely Zimmerman who already knew the secret about big dreams. Ely had already discovered that you can dream of doing much more than is possible to do in one lifetime. You have to set priorities and manage your time wisely. In coaching we learn that for everything we say yes to, we have to say no to something else.
What are your biggest dreams?
It’s so painful to say no. September is a wonderful month and I want to do it all. How do you choose your priorities? Ely had me do what is called a metaview. You pretend you are in a hot air balloon and can look down and see your whole life from a more objective look. You can even look out into the future. What this causes you to do is to see how a choice that you are making now will fit into the fabric of your life. For instance, if it is something big like a career change or move, you question how this choice aligns with your overall life purpose and values. If it is a smaller decision, like deciding between two social events, ask which one will bring you more joy and which one is more consonant with how you really want to be leading your life.
What would you see in a metaview of your life?
Wisdom is a way to discern which road to take. There are several ways to look for wisdom. Some people pray for wisdom. Wisdom is described in the Bible as a gift from the Holy Spirit (people my age call it the Holy Ghost). Wisdom is referenced repeatedly in both the Old and New Testament. Another way to seek wisdom is to turn to people that you consider wiser than yourself for advice and guidance. Don’t try to make important decisions in a vacuum. It is so crucial to have people you respect and trust to help you formulate plans. “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes but a wise man is he who listens to counsel” Proverbs 12:15. Dr. Ivan Misner, CEO of Business Network International(BNI) suggests that you seek business advice from someone who has already been more successful than you not just from a peer.
How do you search for wisdom?
Even making fun Fall decisions takes some judgement. There is a danger of making commitments now that you will regret later. You want to be engaged in activities that are the most rewarding. You may need to risk offending some people to make sure you get to do all of the things that you want to do during September. I love to decorate for Fall and have had to say no to some things that I would normally enjoy in order to insure that I have the September I wanted and not the September someone else wanted for me. During my Who’s in Your Room? presentations I explain ways to say no tactfully. Remember, the time you lost that you were going to use to do something special that you wanted to do can never be bought back.
Can you say no when you need to?
Bigger businesses, charities and many organizations have a board of directors. They have realized that it is good to have input from a variety of more objective and hopefully wise board members. There are a number of questions that you need to ask yourself when making a big business decision. Are you ready for a torrent of new customers? Is this change happening at the right time? Are there other steps that should come first? Sometimes we rush into a new plan that we are completely enthralled with. It’s heartbreaking when your efforts fail. That’s what happened to me when my wedding venue tanked. It was 2008. I had already spent an enormous amount of time and money. The last straw was another open house. The open house was exquisite but only 5 brides showed up. As soon as all of the vendors left, I went up to the barn, shut myself in the grain room, sobbed and begged for wisdom. That was when I decided to close the doors. I realized much later that this didn’t really mean that the venue had been a ridiculous idea. A wedding venue was just not the right business for me at that time and in that. locations. The location later became a very successful vacation rental!
How do you cope with a failure?
I dissected where I went wrong with the wedding venue. I had not really sought wisdom and wise counsel. Many people were excited about my dream but frankly they were friends who didn’t know anything about starting and running a wedding venue. If I had spent enough time visiting successful venues and talking with successful venue owners, I probably would have realized that I should never have even tried a wedding venue. In coaching we see these setbacks as learning experiences and not as mistakes. As a coach I see these experiences as priceless nuggets to add to my list of “what not to do” that I share with my clients and colleagues.
What have you learned the hard way?
If your September is not getting off a wonderful start, I suggest finding something to look forward to. If you are too busy with work, brainstorm some ways to take something off of your plate so you can enjoy a few Fall outings or activities. If you want to really give yourself a challenge, plan an event at your own house or business. This will really give you a structure to help you to get the things done that you need to do around your house and property. In late September I’m hosting a BNI social at my ranch. This would have been too scary if I didn’t have such wise colleagues.
What could you do that would be fun to look forward to?
It’s wisdom to have good role models. Last week I went to a business social at Robert and Keira Mitchell’s compound in Nixa. It was the best business social that I had ever attended. Robert and Keira were so organized that they were actually able to enjoy and interact with their visitors. They made everyone feel so included. Preparations were all made ahead of time (with help from their BNI Housing Power Team). They even had an employee helping people park and get into the house. That way Robert and Keira were free to greet guests, introduce people to each other, and encourage conversations. They went around the room and acknowledged every guest by saying something positive about them and giving them a chance to tell about themselves.
Who could you learn from?
If you have business planning to do or just need to take some time out to set priorities, visit my country retreat in Buffalo Missouri. Gazing out at fields of horses, cattle and buffalos with help you in your search for wisdom.
December 2024
Redefining the Holidays
After such a long and challenging year, it’s difficult to know how to plan for the holidays. Thanksgiving was an interesting prelude. The holiday vortex began. Everyone is hysterical with the over planning of festivities. What is positive about the holidays is that people seem to exhibit more cheer and goodwill. We must put aside our problems and make a conscious decision to always be kindly. I noticed that even usually grumpy cashiers and customer service employees were wishing everyone a Happy Thanksgiving. I can see that December is a time to establish good habits that you can carry into the New Year. Stop being so preoccupied with your own problems and obligations. When you go somewhere take the time to look people in the eye and say something pleasant or uplifting. I want to make sure that I continue to acknowledge and encourage others wherever I go.
How do you show up?
If you are depressed during the holidays because most of your family and friends are deceased, it’s time to start some new traditions. It takes your mind off your struggles when you concentrate on cheering someone else up. When I lived in Kansas, I enjoyed inviting people to a holiday dinner if they didn’t have relatives to visit. My newest tradition is to invite my assistant and family friend, Victor Ellison to help me decorate for Christmas. This year he came with his daughter and grandson. It was a lot of fun and I joked that he “saved Christmas”. It would have seemed sad to do it by myself. A tradition doesn’t need to be an ordeal. It could be as simple as getting together for a cookie and hot chocolate.
What could be your new tradition?
We especially need to bring healthy habits into the New Year if we’re in business. In December I give my Business Planning for the New Year class. I help business owners and sales professionals identify what worked for them in 2024 so they can amplify those successes in 2025. We also brainstorm new positive action steps to take in 2025. You can get more information about this and enroll by going to my website: www.coachmary.net. It’s crucial to identify how the holidays impact your business so that you can plan accordingly. For many businesses holidays are a slow time because people are so involved in their holiday festivities. If this is the case for you, work harder earlier in the year. Don’t fight the holiday vortex; take some time off to renew yourself.
What could happen if you took the week off between Christmas and New Year’s Day?
For most of us, the biggest challenge of the holidays is balancing everything. There are often too many demands. In coaching we talk about having to decide what to say yes to and what to say no to. This year I learned a lot from a coach named Isaac Stegman, owner of Kaizen Coaching. He is passionate about setting priorities and being true to your values. Besides being a Who’s in Your Room? leader, he has developed a program called “No Regrets”. He stresses being fully present for the people and activities in your life that really matter to you.
What really matters the most to you?
Decide what you really want to say yes to and make a list of what you want to have done and who you want to have spent time with by the end of December. Be prepared, there are many things you are going to have to say no to in order to really honor your priorities. Rehearse nice ways to decline invitations and requests. If you don’t take a stand, you’ll wind up celebrating someone else’s idea of the holidays and not having your own. If you have recently had a loss or setback it might really be time to start some new traditions that are more fitting and fulfilling for your new situation. Don’t hesitate to call me if you need a push in a new direction.
What could help you take a stand and make the holidays happy for you?
What many people forget is that this is a month of religious holidays and we need some quiet time to pray and worship. Also, if you are in business you need time to do your tax planning and strategic plan for 2025. My pet peeve is that everyone wants to have a holiday party or event. We need to develop a healthy habit of having gatherings throughout the year, not just during December. That’s why Robert and Keira Mitchell and myself had business socials in September.
What kind of gathering could you have before the holidays in 2025?
Keep December more simple and uncluttered. Leave room for magic and memories. Have the courage to enjoy your December and not someone else’s idea of what you should do. Practice habits to use all next year such as wishing the best for others, effective business planning and having time for your most cherished priorities. If you need a solitary moment visit my country retreat in Buffalo Missouri. It’s a serene setting where you’ll be able to pray, think, plan, or be alone with your special people:
https://evolve.com/vacation-rentals/us/mo/buffalo/462541?queryID=2c2f70dd5b526a4ad69f3561a0e8645d
https://evolve.com/vacation-rentals/us/mo/buffalo/462542?queryID=2c2f70dd5b526a4ad69f3561a0e8645d
